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Wednesday, December 28, 2011


This is what happens when people give me horribly written collections of poetry by angry, linguistically challenged feminists.

ODE TO AN ANGRY FEMINIST

All angry feminists must write poetry
No, no rhyme; verse must be free
God, haven’t you read the handbook?
Rhyme is facetious and girly,
You must be pissed, grim and surly

Fume, rage, snarl, scream and spit
Egg on the rest of your seething snakepit
Men have tried to destroy your ilk
Insist you heat the food, boil the milk
Now avenge yourself by using words
In rhyme with ‘runt’, ‘Venus’, ‘slit’, ‘curds’
So you can show them who’s boss
The activist in search of a cause
Still don’t get it, their bloody loss!

And who says it’s all about burning bras
Rights for women are about driving cars
Ending patriarchy and calling chivalry crass!

Furious you are, and quite rightly so,
Universal suffrage sounds like a scourge
No, you must reclaim language, lingerie too
Never mind what anyone thinks of you,
You won’t read the vertical here, will you?


(NOTE: A lot of people have emailed me asking what the 'vertical' is. All right, now look at the first letter in each line. Write down the first letter of each line in order, so they make words. Each stanza makes a separate vertical word. Now, put them together. Good. I was just going to write about things being dumbed down in cinema, and here I am.)

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