Breaking News
Friday, January 6, 2012

Info Post
(Published in on 5 January, 2012, retrieved from

“Hey dude, been a while since I saw you.”
“I’ve been avoiding you. Discussing serious stuff ticks me off.”
“So, I’m guessing you’re not keen on speaking about Anna and cyclone relief?”
“Is Anna relieved?”
“Well, he can eat again.”
“I think he lost a chunk of his support base when he said people should be flogged for drinking.”
“He lost my support, dude. I mean, you’ve got a government that wants you to shut up and stop spoofing them, and an anti-government group that wants you flogged for guzzling.”
“Kim Jong-Il and Stalin would have been so proud of the government’s internet gag attempt. China would have approved too.”
“And the Congress would’ve realised they’re Commies after all?”
“More Left than the Left, as Didi likes to say.”
“Does she actually say that?”
“Wait a minute. Did you actually say Anna lost your support?”
“Well, I kinda sorta supported him, you know – it’s like, he’s important, because he got people talking about things, and I may not entirely agree with him, but...”
“You know, that sounds like it’s been lifted from one of those defences of Arundhati Roy people keep writing.”
“You think Anna’s an activist in search of a cause too?”
“I think he’s a lost cause. Anyway, the papers finally gave me something to laugh about.”
“What did he do that’s funny?”
“No, no, this has nothing to do with Anna. Apparently, a bunch of Sri Lankan Navy folks came and gave our fishermen cake. They climbed on to the Indian boats, wished everyone a happy new year, and fed them cake, dude!”
“How did the fishermen react?”
“The report says they were astonished. They probably fed it to the fish to make sure it wasn’t poisoned.”
“Aren’t the fish dead already?”
“Well, the newly-caught ones must be struggling, no?”
“And then the fishermen feed them cake?”
“I don’t know. I probably would have in their place. But that’s not the point anyway. Don’t you find it ridiculous? I mean, next thing, people will be playing cricket on the Tamil Nadu – Kerala border.”
“Dude, don’t say ‘cricket’, it’s depressing.”
“I kept waiting for Anna to say Sachin’s failure to score a hundredth century was a Congress conspiracy to make sure people stayed glued to the TV, and didn’t attend his fast.”
“Why’re you so obsessed with Anna?”
“I’m not sure. He reminds me a bit of those modern art installations, you know – they sit there for some thirty days, day and night actually, without eating food or drinking water, and people come and watch them. Or they sit there with ink and blades around them, and people can do whatever they want to them.”
“I watched that House episode, dude. It wasn’t an actual art installation. It was one of House’s freak patients.”
“But people actually do things like that. And I’m sure some gallery in Europe will pay Anna good money for what he’s doing.”
“And he can pump it into The Cause. By the way, what exactly is the cause? Anti-corruption? That would be ironic, because corruption largely involves money being pumped in, no?”
“Well, at the very least, he’d get some award from France. Like Salma Hayek’s knighthood.”
“She must have the biggest breasts of any knight that walked the earth.”
“And those would have stood her in good stead. Napoleon may never have met his Waterloo if she’d distracted the British by galloping around on a horse.”
“Those would have stood her in good steed, you meant? Heh, heh. By the way, what exactly has she been knighted for?”
“Word is that it has to do with her husband being a pal of Sarkozy’s, but feminists might like to think it has to do with her playing Frida Kahlo.”
“No, dude, she played a hot cat that rescues Puss-in-Boots last. Something like Soft Fingers.”
“Oh, yeah, Kitty Softpaws!”
“And that counts as stellar service to mankind or whatever you have to do to get knighted in France?”
“It’s as good as being Frida Kahlo, isn’t it?”
“Uhh, no.  See, this is why I avoid you. You simply don’t understand art.”
“Well, even if she was rewarded for playing Frida Kahlo, aren’t they a tad late on that?”
“Which leads me to think it may have less to do with Frida than the husband and his friendship with Sarkozy.”
“Maybe Sachin should start playing French cricket.”
“I don’t know, dude. It may be even more humiliating to lose to the Aussies at that.”
“You know, French cricket would be a good way for Anna to mobilise crowds at his fasts. It could work as a relay fast. The person who’s batting doesn’t get to eat.”
“So, basically, you get fed if you get out?”
“If they’re going to go against the government, why not start with the converse of the NREGA?”


Post a Comment